FLash MX 2004 Documentation
(September '05)
As you may know, I really look forward to upgrading my Macromedia products, just like I giddly anticipate a
poke in the eye with a sharp stick. Or a dull stick. Unfortunately, I inherited a Flash website from yet another
developer who refuses to answer the phone. Probably he realized that this Flash stuff takes FOREVER, so he
was simply hiding in the basement while hoping to land a job counting dead trees for the US Forest Service.
The telephone? Well that's just something you listen to while some dumbass crabs at you about how long this is taking
and when will his website ever be done and are you stupid or something? So why answer it? Besides the Forest Service
won't call on the phone; Instead, they'll use the Post Office because that's the absolute slowest way to
communicate (other than DHL).
So I upgraded to Flash MX Pro 2004. It's a legitimate copy acquired from PC Connection, so I'm pretty darned sure
it has everything it's supposed to have. Like, for instance, a nice box that's plenty big for a nice manual. But
wait -- I notice that the box feels nearly empty. I shake it, and yes, there seems to be very little inside. I open
the box, and I suppose I should expect this -- absolutely no manual. No documentation. Just a CD and a scrap of paper
telling me where I can buy more stuff to augment my Professional(?) Flash.
So the box says "Develop advanced Flash content, applications and video experiences." Wow! That sounds really cool,
but without a manual, what am I supposed to do? Sure there's some tutorials and "help" somewhere on the disk,
but everyone knows these always suck. Maybe I'm supposed to buy yet another Flash MX "Bible" or something? But
everyone knows these suck too. Anything subtitled "bible" always sucks. A kazillion authors burp up whatever comes
to mind on their midnight crack smoke, and then some Alzheimered tech writer cobbles it together in a
random jumble of extraneous and incomprehensible babble.
Naturally, the Macromedia folks will say they're doing us a favor by omitting the manual. After all it saves trees,
and you can look everything up online anyway. However, if they use recycled content (like old Flash and Director
"Bibles"), then they won't be killing any trees. And yes, there are lots of things online. Amongst 70 trillion
other things. So give us a manual written by the guys who create the damn product! If it increases costs by $20,
so be it. If the manual does what it should, then it's $ well spent.
In the old-days of, for example, the 80's and 90's, software ALWAYS came with a manual. Look at my ColdFusion 4
manual. It's completely beat to hell. Same with my Director 7 and 8 manuals. Same with my Lahey FORTRAN manual.
But my Flash manual? I don't really have one of those -- I never received one. I did buy some of the
suck burpings from clueless 3rd party writers who see the absent Flash manual as a way to cash in on the even more
clueless. But these manuals are still in nearly mint condition because... they're nearly useless.
But so it goes.
Naturally, a bunch of Macromedia toadies will come hopping out of their mud puddle to croak about the superb
quality of Macromedia's online help and unprinted documentation. That Jensen guy, he just doesn't know what he's
talking about! Macromedia loves us! They really care about us! Which gives me an idea for a new game: The Macromedia
Toady Microwave Oven Game. They plump when ya cook 'em.
